BACK to Confusion
I never thought I would be faced with so much heart wrenching decisions as I do now. I grew up thinking who you are going to marry and where you will start a family is a hard decision to make. And Should I buy Tide or All? What should I make for dinner? Can we afford vacation? Can we afford this house? But I go above the thoughts I grew up to think were going to be hard. I have to decide what is best for my son. I have to choose surgeons. I have to choose surgeries. I have to choose what would make the best quality of life for my son. Not to mention I have to make these MAJOR life threatening decisions with different opinions thrown at me from all angles.
Santana had an appointment with his Physical medicine and Rehab doctor. WHOM WROTE AN RX FOR VALIUM… agreeing it was RIDICULES that his doctor wouldn’t give him anything for pain. But that is neither here nor there. She HIGHLY suggests the spine surgery too but she made the best point about it. FIRST… let me say… 6 months ago I really wanted because Pulmonary said his lungs are shifted and his heart and he can’t expand his lungs. I tell ortho this but he said NOOOOO. Then a few weeks ago when I decided I did NOT want spinal surgery because of what therapists and chiropractors have been telling me. Not to mention the gruesome youtube video I saw. Then the last appointment when I begged for hips, he wanted to do spine. URGH! No one wants what I want! So back to today. The point she made is if his lungs get too compromised he will never be able to have surgery because it would be too hard on him and now is the time to do it so that we can open his chest wall more so he can breath better.
Oh God oh God! I don’t know what to do and I need directions from the one and only voice that truly matters. I write this in tears because this is a HUGE decision! I don’t know how to face it. I really don’t know what is right in this situation. God show me what is best for Santana. Please!!!! Take away all other voices. I ache to know some truth in what is going on in his life. Days like this I just want to walk away from it. HELP ME!
Uncategorized | Santana's Mommy | 
February 5, 2010 5:41 pm
5 Comments
Other Links to this Post
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
Subscribe
By Aunt ie Winnie, February 5, 2010 @ 6:21 pm
Jeremiah 29:11….. The words popped in my head to this verse tonight as I read your blog.. Not sure of the direction, but I am sure God does…. I/ we are praying so very much for Santana and you and James and boys. His video totally broke my heart. I love you all, and I/we are praying for Gods will to be done with Santana Bananas…. Give him big Auntie smooches!
By Suzi Searles, February 5, 2010 @ 9:57 pm
Praying for you right now that you will indeed know without a shadow of a doubt what God’s will for Santana is. It’s comforting to know that when we ask God for His wisdom He gives it to us. I don’t know how people can go through this journey that we are both on without God’s direction. Even with the Father by our sides, it is still so very, very hard. You are not alone my friend,
Suzi
By Aunt Deb, February 6, 2010 @ 8:27 pm
maaan, my heart just aches for you and Santana. Lots of prayers going up. You will do what is in God’s plan. Love you guys.
By Georgia Dashti, February 6, 2010 @ 10:27 pm
Oh Lindsey, God sees your tears. We love you so much. When God takes him he will be out of his pain. And God will give you comfort. Talk to the boys now about death.
Working in hospice, I talk about it all the time. I had a death experience when I was a teenager. And I have talked to so many patients about death before they died. It becomes a vigil and it is beautiful Just like birth. I pray that God gives you strength to do what you feel you have to do. You are a good mother and you love your children so much. And you are in pain. We are all praying for you, honey.
We love you,
Georgia
By Carissa, February 8, 2010 @ 11:18 am
God will give you the direction you need… Trust in Him and His timing. Step back and leave it in His hands… “God, you’ve got a big problem!” Remember, He takes joy in providing for you… His strength is made perfect in your weakness. May the Lord BLESS YOU and KEEP YOU and make His face to SHINE upon you!