This weekend is tough. Tuesday marks 2 years. But we are handling it well. I guess with my little monster Tyree, we are kept busy. Very busy. Even though Tuesday is it, Saturdays always seem to be the day I really think about that horrifying phone call. I remember eating breakfast at the little farmhouse in Gilbert with James and a friend. That waitress got a big tip because we got the phone call and didn’t have time to wait for change. I don’t know how James drove over 30 miles with me freaking out and and having a panic attack. And I will never forget being sat down in the conference room and wait what seemed like forever for the doctor to walk into the room. When he sat down, it was hard to listen to what he was saying if he had us sitting, it could not be good. My palms sweat. My heart pounded in my throat. My mouth was as dry as the desert we live in. I was shaking like an earthquake. We were told he is like a coin teetering back and forth and they are not sure which way it will fall. They didn’t think he was going to make it through the night and said if he did it will be grim. We went back to see him. He had tubes coming out from everywhere. His chest went up and down in an even pattern and it was only because a machine was making him breath. He was given meds to keep his heart going.
He was only alive by medical standard, by machines. We could have let him go, we were told to let him go. But we didn’t. We could feel God’s presence. The word Believe was like a whisper in my ear. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I couldn’t stop singing “Praise You in This Storm” by Casting Crowns. I knew God was with us. I knew Santana was going to be alright. By the 5th day he was completely off the Vent and breathing on his own. What a great feeling that was. Although EXTREMELY fragile with a heart rate over 200 bpm and a blood pressure that was through the roof that could have caused a stroke, which may have. But he was alive. After 30 minutes being dead. My God raised my boy from the dead and has taught us an incredible lesson in GRACE and MERCY!
If there is one thing the doctor was right about, it was that it has been grim. But now after 2 years, we know this is our life. We love Santana as he is. It is exhausting to balance all 3 kids, but God will give them understanding. He may not be the Santana he was. But he is the Santana that has beat many odds and surpassed some goals they said he would NEVER do. It is the simple things we do that you don’t think about is so important. Such as coughing. He coughs and gets the junk out of his lungs on his own which prevents pneumonia. Did I mention they said to expect to be back many times with Pneumonia?
And with that they said the first time he does they will Trache him? Well, there is no trache. Blinking. Sounds simple. Santana used to be in an opened-eye coma. He had what they call doll eyes. No blink, no movement. He looked so far away, his eyes would be so dry. Now he is blinking and moving his eyes towards sound. ALSO, he has tracked a few times during vision therapy. I think that is WONDERFUL since they took of tracking as a goal in school. We got a ways to go, but we got a start! We have been told he would need surgery twice on his feet and MAGICALLY (or should I say THANK GOD) his feet got better right before scheduled. He is moving his arm. He can kick out his legs. He reacts to sound and cold touch. He cries to pain…which I made him do tonight on accident. He was sleeping and I was taking his SVN mask off and the elastic snapped. He cried in his sleep. Bittersweet. His blood pressure that was through the roof, we are no longer on meds for!!!! Sometimes it is pretty low. But probably normal for a little kiddo with not much action. We have a LONG road ahead of us. But we have come a long way considering he was once not even alive. No matter what and no matter where we end up, I will still love him the same and praise God everyday because I appreciate that he gave him a new life to be with us.
Two years ago while sitting in that cold hospital room, I NEVER EVER imagined that we would get to take him to Disneyland…
or ride any of the rides! And we did! He went to the beach a few times with us! He gets to go horseback riding every week! He has won me 300 tickets at Peter Piper Pizza with a push of a button on 1 game, the first time. I didn’t think school would be an option and he got to try it out. He rode a bus before Jett (Jett has always wanted to)! We have tried to keep his life as normal as we could for the sake of Jett. Of course there are other things that we can praise God for the ability to do, but we are doing only because of the situation we are in. Praise God for the funds to do HBOT, the Vasodilation therapy we are doing in Florida, for the Stem cells we plan for February, and for Intensive Therapy in California we plan in the spring.
At least if we have to live in the situation we live in, God has provided us with means to give Santana the best quality of life. God has provided us so much in the last 2 years and have put so many amazing people in our lives that carry us day by day. I thank every organization and every person who has made a difference in our family. This goes down to the most simple of prayer, but also the most powerful above all.
As the next year goes by, I will only become stronger and stronger.
I will stand by God’s Promise to Santana which is found in Psalms 91:14-16 “The Lord says, “If you love me and truly know who I am, I will rescue you and keep you safe. When you are in trouble, call out to me. I will answer and be there to protect you. You will live a long life and see my saving power.”
Because Tuesday will be a rough day, I will keep myself busy. I may take Santana to Peter Piper to celebrate. Technically it is like his birthday. It is his new life. He died and by the grace of God and by the blood of Jesus, he became alive again. So we will try to not be somber because we know this is our life. We expected so much more by now, but we still love God the same. We are still believing. Don’t get me wrong. I will not give up on the thought that he could be healed. I will forever believe that. But know that what happens to Santana does NOT change our love for God. Also, My dad, Lorili, Chad, and his wife are coming over to keep us company. We will have a little birthday party for him.
As of today…Santana slept a lot and was pretty lethargic. Friday he had a 101 temp. I had him sleep with me that night so I could keep an eye on him. He has spit up a ton of thick yellow snot. I feel so bad for my boo bear. You can see in his eyes that he is not feeling good. Yesterday (Saturday) I walked the boys down to the park since James had to work all day.
Poor Santana was asleep when I loaded him up all the way to way after being home. He had no idea he was at the park for almost 2 hours. Poor little man missed out. It was fun and Tyree had a lot of fun he reminds me so much of Santana at that age. Pray he starts feeling better. His face keeps getting Beet red.
Today, a friend of ours met up with us to do some family portraits. They turned out absolutely beautiful! I would post some but I have to ask permission first. Then James told me to wait until we get our cards sent out. Thanks Alisha. You did an AWESOME job!
Thanks for listening to me, It’s after 1 am time to find some sleep. Please know that we are doing ok. Much better than last year. It is still tough and we have been through some hard times. But each time we come out of it, we come out stronger. It is hard to look at Santana and think that we thought we would be so much further. But it is ok. It is what God has trusted us with. We are survivors. We still BELIEVE!
PS notice that last picture has a baby gate around the tree. It is because of the boy in the middle. Tyree the tyrant. Yeah. But he still manages to knock em all off through the holes. The joys!!! Santana was feeling really sick here and tired, but he is a trooper!